Almost done

I leave in 48 hours: the state I’ve lived in for many years, friends, parents and sister and relatives, even my husband and kids. (The latter isn’t forever, but I’ll be at least a month without them. Every mother I tell this to who says, Oh my god, I would die if I left my kids for a month, I can’t help but hate. You wouldn’t die. You’d do what you had to do. I have to do this. Don’t make me feel like a monster. I loathe competitive mothering.) I already left my job, but it still feels bizarre that I won’t be going back.

The little town where I live that I excoriated 2 posts ago has seemed unbearably friendly and wonderful this week. I told our mortgage loan officer we were leaving and she said, Oh no! We’ll miss you! And she truly meant it, even though she only waves to my husband when he comes in to do some banking thing, kids in tow. The lady at the paint store was distressed at our news, even though we’ve only talked paint. The neighbors have been kind, offering help to my husband so he can get a break from the kids while I’m gone. In short, people have been really nice. The weather is awful, as spring here is, but the grass is green, I can see grazing cows and windmills from our living room, and the cashiers at the grocery store know my sons by name.

I will miss this place. I will miss this life. After it changes, I’ll think back to this town, in this state, when my children were so small, and I was going to create a whole new business that would change the way apparel was made and sold, and I will know it was special. I guess I thought it would take being gone to know it. I know it now. This was quite a life.

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